|
|
|
March 8th, 2005
06:12 pm - N.D.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankhappyp.gif) high
|
06:09 pm - N.P.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankgeekp.gif) accomplished
|
06:08 pm - More N.P
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankwinkp.gif) silly
|
06:06 pm - Napoleon
Current Mood: amused
|
06:03 pm - Napoleon Dynamite
Current Mood: excited
|
06:00 pm - Napoleon Dynamite
Current Mood: crazy
|
05:59 pm - Napoleon Dynamite
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankhyperp.gif) bouncy
|
December 28th, 2004
01:40 pm - Survey
last cigarette: Smoking's pointless. Use the hands to hold beer.
last car ride: To my dad's to get my xmas present:)
last kiss: <- This stuff doesn't happen to me. Why? I don't know ;(
last library book checked out: Like in elementary school...
last movie seen: Big Daddy
last book read: Swallowing Stones
last cuss word uttered: "Oh Fuck, Son-of-a-bitch!
last beverage drank: water
last food consumed: fiber one cereal, yum!!
last crush: I don't know, i'm so confused :(
last phone call: My dad
last tv show watched: Chappelle Show
last time showered: Today!
last shoes worn: My leopard-toed slippers:) I love em! They're PIMP!
last cd played: My mix cd I made
last item bought: A picture frame that says "I love my cat"
last downloaded: some music
last annoyance: snow & little kids
last disappointment: The thing i got from office max
last soda drank: I quit soda drinks.
last thing written: My work schedule
last key used: My dad's house key
last words spoken: Ow! My tity, Ow, dammit!
last sleep: from last night to this morning
last im: Tav I think.
last sexual fantasy: Why would i get fantasies when I don't get any ass in reality?
last weird encounter: Entering my home
last ice cream eaten: Strawberries n' Cream ;)
last time amused: Last night playin playstation.
last time wanting to die: last night
last time in love: Never took place.
last time hugged: My dad
last time scolded: Two days ago arguing about where things belong....jesus christ
last time resentful: Two days ago
last chair sat in: My computer chair
last lipstick used: Avon's Glazewear in Crimson
last show attended: Don't remember
last webpage visited: This one
PAST.
-first grade teacher's name: Mrs. Carol
-last thing you said: hmmm.
-last song you sang: 98 Degress-This gift
-last thing you laughed at: What my dad got 4 xmas from his g/f (coal in a bucket in black licorice flavor)
-last time you cried: Homecoming Night
PRESENT.
-what's in your cd player: Honey Soundtrack and 2 otehr mix cds
-what color socks are you wearing: none, im wearin my pimp slippers
-what's under your bed: nothin....they'res droors
-what time did you wake up today: 9:30
.FUTURE.
-what is your career going to be: Hopefully a model or personal trainer...i dunno really
-where are you going to live: West Palm Beach, Fl hopefully
-how many kids do you want: 0, zip, nada, none, ZERO!!
what kind of car will you drive: Hopefully a Nissan 350Z
.CURRENT.
-current hair: down straight
-current clothes: My zebra stripe pajamas
-current jewelry: none right now
-current annoyance: me sittin on my fat ass all vacation
-current smell: my pantene pro-v in my hair
-current longing: what the hell's a longing?
-current desktop picture: There's none right now
-current favorite music artist: Reggaeton Artists
-current book: Swallowing Stones
-current worry: Wondering if i'll ever get out of here
-current hate: snow, bein locked up at home
-story behind your username: I'm blonde and my lucky #s are 7 and 17
-favorite author(s): Cosmopolitan
-do you think too much: sometimes
-if you could live anywhere in the world: Cancun, Mexico or in Italy
-do you have any regrets: a lot
-sex or love: whats the point? I get none of em. Its a lose-lose situation
-favorite coffee: French vanilla, but i quit coffee
-favorite smell: Black by Kenneth Cole and Night-blooming Jasmine
-what makes you mad: parents keeping me from my friends, ppl who lie, the drinking age bein 21, guys who cheat on their girl, when ppl drop delicious food on the floor (what a waste), not being able to lose some pounds and keep em off, kids, the drinking age being 21, ppl that are rich get everything for free and poor ppl have to pay for everything, guyz who r players, kids, ppl who ask stupid questions and dont think about what they just asked, kids, the drinking age bein 21
-favorite way to waste time: sleep & bitch
-what is your best quality: havin a high alcohol tolerance, sense of humor, bitching (whether if the issue is stupid or not)
-currently in love?: if you don't know the answer to this question after reading related questions earlier in the survey, then you are not ready to know the answer.
Abortion?: For it! birth control still is not 100% effective. 98% just isnt good enough, or this would never be an issue.
Death Penalty?: neutral....if they rot in prison, good for them. If they die, thats 1 less person we have to deal with in this sorry-ass world. And if u are innocent, well we're sorry. Just stop doing suspicious things that put u in this mess in the first place from now on.
Prostitution?: If the ho dont have a disease, then its the person's choice. Otherwise, to those who do have a disease, get off the goddamn street. Because of you people, soon everyone will have some uncurable disease. And the people who kept clean all their life won't be able to bang anybody because you dumb hos contaminated the whole population. The world of tappin' asses will come to an end because of you dirty fuckers.
Alcohol?: The age should be 18! Apparently its old enough to join the military and buy tobacco products.
Marijuana?: if you like it, have fun. its the individual's chioce. It should be legalized. Remember, marijuana is a medicine to the people who are in pain and is offered in hospitals.
Other drugs?: if it not weed or alcohol, then the drug is irrelevant.
Gay marriage: for it. u know the poor kids in asia? who do u think adopts them the most? Not only does gay marriage control the population (since they cant have their own kids) but it adopts the kids who dumb pre-teen crack whores and whatnot leave in the street.
Smoking?: I addressed this already. 2 hands, 2 beers. enough said.
Drunk driving?: ppl need to learn how to drive a car right while being intoxicated. Otherwise, ppl need 2 walk their ass or ride their bike home or somethin.
cloning: For beneficial purposes only.
Racism?: against. racists need 2 get a life
Religion?: catholic. I havent been 2 church in 11 years tho
War in Iraq?: Good! Saddam needed 2 be taken out and shot in the ass. That bastard treated his people like theyre all his bitches.
Bush?: He's certainly better than Kerry would have been. BTW im republican.
Downloading music?: YUP!
The legal drinking age?: It's still 18 in my book, you law-making fuckers!!!(for me it wuz around 12 or 13)
Porn?: Irrelevant to my life
Suicide?: Take me now, lord! Take me out of this law-makin hell hole!
Teen Pregnancy: If u can handle it, do whatever. Its ur life. Except to those pre-teen crack whores. Can't you kids just stop thinkin about ur pussies and dicks for a few minutes? Why do you people like kids? And tolerate their bad behavior? Bitch-slap those fuckers and send them off to boot camp or something!
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankangryp.gif) bitchy
|
December 16th, 2004
08:48 pm - Weird Sex Laws (In the States)
Alaska-Moose are not allowed to have sex on city streets.
California-A man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given prior to the event, as is carefully stipulated.
-Cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.
Illinois-Making love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day is illegal.
Indiana-Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a "tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
Iowa-Husbands aren’t allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with their wives or while holding them in his arms.
Kentucky-No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club.
Maryland-It is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
Massachusetts-At a rodeo it is illegal to have sex with rodeo clown in the presance of horses.
Michigan-A woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
-Couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.
Minnesota-It is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.
-No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
Montana-A woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
Nevada-It is illegal for any member of the legislature to conduct official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in session.
New Jersey-Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail.
New Mexico-No couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.
Pennsylvania-It is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.
Tennessee-The law bans a woman from "pleasuring a man" while he is sitting behind the wheel of any moving vehicle. Any man stopped and found with the front of his pants undone can be fined a minimum of $50 and serve 30 days in jail.
Texas-Two pigs may not have sex on the city's airport property.
Utah-No woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.
Wisconsin-No man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.
Wyoming-Couples may not have sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer.
|
08:39 pm - 10 Drinking Quotes
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. -- Albert Einstein
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. -- Ambrose Bierce
Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink. -- Anonymous
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may cancel your VISA. -- Anonymous
I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem. -- Anonymous
He who laughs last, hasn't passed out yet. -- Anonymous
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. -- Anonymous
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser. -- Anonymous
To some its a six-pack, to me it's a support group. -- Anonymous
Scotch - Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine. -- Anonymous
|
08:33 pm - Signs You Have A Drinking Problem
You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Job interfering with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
When you can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
Every woman you see has an exact twin.
You fall off the floor...
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
The glass keeps missing your mouth!
George W. starts to make sense.
Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitoes!]
At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women].
Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
I'm not drunk... you're just sober... - HI OCIFER!!!!!!
Roseanne looks good.
Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
You have a Reserved Parking space at the liquor store.
I'm as jober as a sudge.
You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth
of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.
You've fallen and you can't get up.
When hangovers become an attractive alternative lifestyle - please pass the ice pack....
BeerTender! Get me another Bar!
The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.
|
08:26 pm - Beer Trouble Shooting Guide
SYMPTOM | CAUSE | ACTION
Feet cold and wet.| Glass being held at incorrect angle.| Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
Feet warm and wet.| Improper bladder control.| Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
Beer unusually pale and tasteless.| Glass empty.| Get someone to buy you another beer.
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.| You have fallen over over backwards.| Have yourself leashed to the bar.
Mouth contains cigarette butts.| You have fallen over forwards.| See above.
Beer tasteless, front of you shirt is wet.| Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of face.| Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
Floor blurred.| Your looking through bottom of empty glass.| Get someone to buy you another beer.
Floor moving.| You are being carried out.| Find out if you are being taken to another.
Room seems unusually dark.| Bar has closed.| Confirm home address with bartender.
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.| Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.| Cover mouth.
Everyone looks up to you and smiles.| You are dancing on the table.| Fall on somebody crushing-looking.
Beer is crystal clear.| It's water, somebody is trying to sober you up.| Punch him.
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.| You have been in a fight.| Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was with them.
Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.| You've wandered into the wrong party.| See if they have free beer.
Your singing sounds distorted.| The beer is too weak.| Have more beer until your voice improves.
Don't remember the words to the song.| Beer is just right.| Play air guitar.
|
08:25 pm - How Beer Makes You Smarter
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. and here's how it went:
Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
|
08:19 pm - Bar Room Translations
"YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME."=We won't be here long enough to get another round.
"I'LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU."=Happy hour is about to end...drafts are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.
"CAN I GET A GLASS OF WHITE ZINFANDEL." (FEMALE)=I'm easy.
"CAN I GET A GLASS OF WHITE ZINFANDEL." (MALE)=I'm gay.
"EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (MALE TO FEMALE)=I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.
"EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (FEMALE TO MALE)=I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.
"I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (FEMALE)=You are paying more attention to your friends than me.
"I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (MALE)=I'm horny.
"WHO'S GOT THE NEXT ROUND?"=I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.
"EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO MALE)=Get the hell out of the way.
"EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO FEMALE)=I am going to grope you now.
"EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO MALE)=Don't even think about groping me, just get the hell out of the way.
"EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO FEMALE)=Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that pretty, missy, and don't think for one minute that you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho... Get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you, bitch,like the slut you are.
"WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON TAP?"=What's cheap?
"CAN I HAVE A WHITE RUSSIAN?" (MALE)=I'm really gay.
"CAN I HAVE A WHITE RUSSIAN?" (FEMALE)=I'm really easy.
"THAT PERSON LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR."=Did I sleep with him/her?
"I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (FEMALE)=I'm 16.
"I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (MALE)=I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a .2 after my last visit here.
|
08:11 pm - 17 Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work
1) It's an incentive to show up.
2) It leads to more honest communications.
3) It reduces complaints about low pay.
4) Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants
to hear.
5) It encourages car pooling.
6) Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
7) It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8) It makes fellow employees look better.
9) It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10) Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11) Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12) Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at bar.
13) It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14) Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15) Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.
16) Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
17) Sitting "Bare assed" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."
|
08:09 pm - New FDA Warnings On the Consumption of Alcohol
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. Ten Feet Tall and Bullet Proof!!
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
blondie071707's journal